A friend once shared a story about her attempt to unwind as a new mom. Her husband, sensing she needed a break, took their baby out of the house so she could rest. When he returned, he found her in full multitasking mode—folding laundry and writing thank-you notes. Confused, he asked why she didn’t just relax. Her answer? She felt too guilty sitting around while there were unfinished tasks hanging over her head.
And honestly? She wasn’t wrong. Sometimes, relaxation doesn’t look like sitting on the couch with a cup of tea and a good book. For her, crossing a few things off her to-do list felt more satisfying than lying around and feeling anxious about chores piling up. That sense of relief—knowing she’d gotten things done—was the real relaxation.
It’s a perspective that flips conventional wisdom on its head. Instead of obsessing over the how of downtime, maybe the secret lies in how you feel when you spend it.
It’s About How You Feel
Society loves to tell us how to relax. Schedule your self-care! Take bubble baths! Meditate! While these tips are well-meaning, they can sometimes make downtime feel like another chore on your list. And then there’s the guilt trip if you choose something “productive” instead. Relaxation is supposed to be about ease, not judgment, right?
The truth is, the activity itself doesn’t matter as much as your mindset. Whether you’re folding laundry, journaling, or binge-watching your favorite show, the key is how you feel while doing it. Does it lighten your mental load? Help you unwind? If yes, congratulations—you’re doing relaxation right.
Find Your Go-To Stress Busters
Here’s the million-dollar question: What actually soothes you? Imagine this—you have one glorious, free hour. No obligations, no interruptions. Would you spend it tackling that overdue pile of bills or sprawled out on the couch with your favorite book?
The answer depends on you. For some, crossing things off a to-do list feels like lifting a weight off their shoulders. Others may find that a quiet moment with a book is exactly what they need. The trick is to listen to yourself and choose what feels right today. Because, let’s face it, your needs aren’t the same every day.
Maybe you’re craving movement—like going for a walk or doing yoga. Other times, you might just want to zone out with your favorite show. Do you need alone time, or are you yearning for connection? The beauty of personal relaxation is that it’s yours to customize.
Learning to read your stress signals helps, too. Feeling irritable or scatterbrained? That might be your cue to switch gears. Jogging, gaming, or even a game of Scrabble might help you reset. Experiment with different options until you find what works best for you. Trial and error can reveal some surprisingly effective ways to decompress.
Watch Out for Fake Fixes
Not every activity that feels relaxing is actually good for you. Let’s talk about pseudo-soothers—things that seem like they’ll help you unwind but end up leaving you mentally drained. Ever scrolled mindlessly through social media for an hour and felt worse afterward? Or kept hitting “next episode” on a TV show until you’re too tired to function? These are classic examples. They might feel like downtime, but they don’t actually recharge you.
Some of these habits are what experts call “soft addictions.” They soak up your time and energy but don’t give you much in return. Now, not all soft addictions are bad. Context matters. If binge-watching your favorite sitcom makes you laugh until your sides hurt, go for it. The real question is: How do you feel during and after the activity? Relaxed and happy, or restless and preoccupied?
For example, catching up with friends can be a great mood booster—if you’re genuinely engaged. But if you’re half-listening while scrolling on your phone, it won’t have the same effect. True relaxation comes from activities that leave you feeling joyful, recharged, or accomplished.
Balance Is the Goal
Relaxation isn’t about avoiding work or sinking into habits that leave you numb. It’s about finding a balance that works for you. That might mean splitting your time between productive tasks and fun, restorative activities. Whatever helps you truly recharge—so you can rest easy—should be your priority.